Things I Missed from Home While Living Abroad

I noticed that there were so many arguably strange things I missed from the US while traveling in Europe. You don’t realize you’re addicted to Marshalls/HomeGoods until someone tries to charge you €70 for a vase. Like, ya I might sound a little “woe is me, I didn’t have my precious Easy Mac while gallivanting through some of the most beautiful cities in Europe,” but just let me live!

Here’s a little list of the American things I missed while living in Europe:

EasyMac

I am a woman of simple taste. Apparently Europeans are not. I have eaten A LOT of EasyMac in my life, and going cold turkey hit me hard :/

Trader Joe’s

I have literally never met a person that dislikes TJ’s...Everything is inexpensive, they’ve got all the trendy sh*t like chia seeds and...like...lentils?, and F R E E  S A M P L E S. Not to mention all the frozen food and prepared meals that make life healthy and easy.

Target/one-stop shops

Apparently America is the land of laziness and convenience because I could not fathom going to four different stores if I needed fruit, moisturizer, socks, and a new phone charger. Target-like utopia’s are not a thing.

Marshalls

If you know me well, you’d know a keystone to my personality is a dependence on getting things on sale. Like, the heroes on Extreme Couponers cannot be stopped and, arguably, should run the world. I missed getting name brand things on sale.

Peanut butter

I brought a tub of PB with me to Paris because I was scared of what might happen to me if I went three months without the most sacred spread on the planet. After it was gone, I lived, but I didn’t thrive, ya know? Couldn’t find a single measly jar for less than €10!!! And you know those little bags of nuts for on the go? Never peanuts, always cashews (which Europeans call “cashew nuts”...like yes, calm down, we get they are nuts just relax), and almonds. IDGI.

Tortilla chips

Weird one. Unpopular opinion: I’d choose tortilla chips over potato chips ANY DAY. Actually, not a lot of Mexican food in Europe altogether in my experience. However, I did find a bag of the corn crunchies in London for 1 pound and you bet your bottom dollar I splurged.

Ice

What do you freaks have against cold drinks?

Free water

Four ass euros for a 16oz bottle of water? SHUT UP, STOP. It was like when you buy sour patch watermelons for $1 at the store next door before going to the movies instead of dropping $5 inside the theater...I was literally smuggling tap water into restaurants so I didn’t DIE of THIRST during my meal.

Furthermore, enough water for a human to survive a meal

The cups they give you with the most expensive bottle of water in the world are two steps above a shot glass. I sh*t you not all Europeans MUST be dehydrated.

Dishwasher

Self explanatory. I am sometimes lazy.

Clothes dryer

Also self explanatory. Air drying took all day and the drying rack used all the empty space in the apartment.

Dresser drawers

In every place I stayed, I didn’t have A SINGLE DRAWER. Where the fork do I put my socks? I have to fold my underwear and put it on a shelf? GTFO.

Being able to freely communicate with everyone around me

One time I creepily told the cashier at a little boutique in Paris that I liked her lips because I forgot the French word for lipstick. Cringing, she said ‘thank you?’ I couldn’t even explain the mistake because my French is trash, so I just left feeling mortified.

The gym

TBH I came home from Europe five pounds lighter because of all the walking I did every day, BUT I did miss weight-bearing activity. Didn’t really make sense to buy a gym membership while I was gone, and come to think of it, I don’t think I saw a single gym in my travels. Open question: does Europe have gyms?

Petting stranger’s dogs

Europeans do not want you to touch their pooches :/

Stick deodorant

Europeans use aerosol deodorant WTF is up with that? First of all, it does. not. work. It just goes everywhere and loses potency by early afternoon and that sh*t is NOT fresh. Secondly, for a culture that tuts plastic grocery bags, shouldn’t they be more concerned about the impact aerosol cans have on the environment? Also, I got serious shade form two Europeans for using men’s deodorant (I just think it works better ok? Why am I on trial, you aerosol obsessed foreigners?).

A unit of measurement I could understand without doing algebra

I just wish I didn’t have to ‘double-it-plus-30’ to find out if it’s too cold to wear a dress (Celcius to Farenheit btw).

As the Counting Crows say: “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, they paved paradise, and put up a parking lot” and for me, the paradise is peanut butter and the parking lot is a bag of almonds.